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Literature Text
Dear _________ ,
You don't know me.
I don't know you.
We are merely two strangers
Who happen to be eying each other in a crowded room.
I don't feel so lonely anymore.
I secretly want to get to know you.
I wish you could read my mind.
Find my little black box
the one with all the paper cranes.
Every one has
Love, blood, and ink--
With you written inside.
What would you say?
What would you do if you knew--
Our hearts beat in sync?
You don't know me.
I don't know you.
We are merely two strangers
Who happen to be eying each other in a crowded room.
I don't feel so lonely anymore.
I secretly want to get to know you.
I wish you could read my mind.
Find my little black box
the one with all the paper cranes.
Every one has
Love, blood, and ink--
With you written inside.
What would you say?
What would you do if you knew--
Our hearts beat in sync?
Literature
He Was...
He was unassumingly striking.
And he always made me feel magnificent.
He was beautifully broken.
And he always managed to make me smile.
He was wretchedly angry
And I never ever saw him in a temper.
He was sarcastically humourous.
And he never tried to outwit me.
He was always unhappy.
And he was forever happy when I was around.
He was my Anakin Skywalker.
And he didn't turn to the dark side for me, or for anyone else.
But for himself.
Literature
I'm... different.
With strangers I'm:
Quiet and intimidating
With best friends I'm:
Hyper, crazy, and annoying
With people I just know I'm:
Calm, smart-sounding, and artistic
With people I like I'm:
An idiot.
Literature
e x i s t.
"Where's your heart?"
"...Nowhere."
"Why is that?"
"It doesn't exist, anymore."
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Just a letter to a stranger.
© 2011 - 2024 Banshee-X
Comments53
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactFirst of all, ignore the star rating for 'impact'. I wasn't emotionally affected by this piece, but I can easily see people being moved by it.
That being said, I thought the blank for the name in the first line really set up the whole intrigue of the piece. Few openings are as strong as that, and it was a very cool twist on the traditional beginning to a letter.
I have to say that while the text manipulation in the third stanza was certainly well-executed and interesting, it really only felt like it served to make it harder to read. Mostly the fact that the text goes up instead of down. Perhaps the same idea, but with the subtext code, would have worked better.
The single line, "I don't feel so lonely anymore," I thought was a very strong counterpoint that the whole poem kind of hinged on.
The following stanza, the first two lines were a little too... cliche in my opinion. But after that, the black box with paper cranes was quite original and insightful. Very good imagery, especially the bit with the word 'ink' in bold and the subtext 'you'. Very easy to visualize.
And finally, the last stanza was an intriguing ending to the whole thing. I think there's a lot to read into this poem, and I don't think one could get that in just one reading. It's a poem that requires some thinking.
Nice work. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/t/t…" width="15" height="15" alt="
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